Laugh It Away
…Surely Get a Smile On Yeah Face.

Nov
10

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Sep
15

Two drunkard were walking down the road and suddenly started an argument about the moon.

1st Drunkard: What is that in the sky?

2nd Drunkard: It is the SUN.

1st Drunkard: Can’t you see, it is the moon.

2nd Drunkard: How come moon? It’s Sun.

So accidently another drunkard was passing by and he was asked the same question by the 1st drunkard and he said “Pls, I am sorry, I don’t live around here.

Sep
14

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Sep
14

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

Jul
28

The USA invented a machine to catch thieves,and it was taken to several countries for test.

in 30mins 500 thieves were caught in USA,

in ” 600 ” ” ” ” BRAZIL

in 25mins 800 ” ” ” ” CHINA

in 15mins 8000 ” ” ” ” SOUTH AFRICA

in 10mins 4000 ” ” ” ” GHANA

in 5mins the machine was stolen in NIGERIA

NIGERIAN THIEVES are the smartest

Jul
25

There were three men living together in London. An African-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn’t have money to buy food. However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy neighborhood, they decided to come up with a plan.

The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. “LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!” – the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble , he let the brother leave.

Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. Read the rest of this entry »

Jul
25

K-“Who’s calling?”
W-“Watt.”
K-“What is your name, please?”
W-“Watt’s my name.”
K-“That’s what I asked you. What’s your name?”
W-“That’s what I told you. Watt’s my name.”

A long pause, and then from Watt,

W-“Is this James Brown?”
K-“No, this is Knott.”
W-“Please tell me your name.”
K-“Will Knott.”

W-Why not?
K-Huh? What do you mean why not?
W-Yeah! Why won’t you tell me your name?
K-But I told you my name!
W-Didn’t you say you will not?
K-Not not, knott, Will Knott!
W-That’s what I mean.
K-So you know my name.
W-Of course not!
K-Good. So now, what is yours?
W-Watt. Yours?
K-Your name!
W-Watt’s my name.
K-How the hell do I know? I am asking you!
W-Look I have been very patient and I have told you my
name and you have not even told me yours yet.
K-You have been patient, what about me? I have told
you my name so many times and it is you who have not
told me yours yet.
W-Of course not!
K-See, you even know my name!
W-Of course not!
K-Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?
W-Because I don’t.

[Pause]
Read the rest of this entry »

Jul
25

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : Beauty is only skin deep
CHRIS OKOTIE: Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : Cleanliness is godliness
CHRIS OKOTIE: Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: There’s no use crying over spilt milk
CHRIS OKOTIE : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: You can’t try to teach an old dog new tricks
CHRIS OKOTIE : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: Look before you leap
CHRIS OKOTIE: Surveillance should precede saltation.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: He who laughs last, laughs best
CHRIS OKOTIE : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: Where there’s smoke, there’s fire!
CHRIS OKOTIE : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration

Jul
25

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
CHRIS OKOTIE: Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
CHRIS OKOTIE : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
Chris Okotie : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : All that glitters is not gold.
CHRIS OKOTIE : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: Beggars are not choosers
CHRIS OKOTIE: Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : Dead men tell no tales
CHRIS OKOTIE : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: Beginner’s luck
CHRIS OKOTIE: Neophyte’s serendipity.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : A rolling stone gathers no moss
CHRIS OKOTIE : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : Birds of a feather flock together
CHRIS OKOTIE : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

Jul
09

Once back in Nigeria he decided that he has doubts about Atiku and he’s going to ask him the question. He arranged a meeting with him and asked him:

“Atiku, I have a question for you; your mother has a child and your father has a child. The child is not your brother and is not your sister, who is he?.”

Atiku thinks, and thinks, “Em, you must give me some time to think about it.”

And Mr. Obasanjo decided to give him a day to come out with an answer.

That afternoon, Atiku called a meeting to discuss the question, but nobody knew the answer. They drew up an Atiku family tree, but to no avail. The next morning, he realised he has to give Obasanjo an answer and as a last resort, he decided to phone Jerry Rawlings of Ghana .

” Jerry, your mother has a child and your father has a child. The child is not your brother and is not your sister , who is he?”
Read the rest of this entry »

Jul
09

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat.”

Jul
08

A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human
because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher:
reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah “.
The teacher: asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl: replied, “Then you ask him”.

Jul
08

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, ” my wife was reading a “tale of two cities” and she gave birth to twins”
“That’s funny”, the second man remarked, “my wife was reading ‘the three musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets”
The third man shouted, “Good God, I have to rush home!”
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, ” When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves”!!!

Jul
03

Bill Gates died in a car accident. He found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God…

“Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I’m going to do something I’ve never
done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!”

Bill replied, “Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?”

God said, “I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision.” “Fine, but where should I go first?” God said, “I’m going to leave that up to you.” Bill said, “OK, then, let’s try hell first.” So Bill went to Hell.

It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. “This is great!” he told God, “If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!” “Fine,” said God and off they went.
Read the rest of this entry »

Jul
03

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about
who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, “Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think
we’re so obsessed with getting laid?”

“That doesn’t prove anything,” the woman countered. “Think about this:
when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around,
then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?”

Jun
29

The SETTING : Pageant Night Miss Universe Beauty

Pageant Q & A Portion.

the FINALISTS :

* Miss America

* Miss Spain

* Miss Britain

* Miss Philippines

* Miss Nigeria

* Miss Iran

* Miss India
Read the rest of this entry »

Jun
29

This one is a good material for the Guinness world record.
Yenagoa, the Bayelsa state capital hasn’t got any street names or house numbers!
Now that’s funny! , and serious too, very, very serious.
If you ask of the house address of any friend or relative resident in Yenagoa, you are most likely to get something resembling, “near, behind, in front off or after so so and so” for an answer.
During a recent visit to that city, I rang my host, immediately I got to the bus stop, to give me directions to his place for the taxi-bike. Is response felt to me like a voyage to Saturn.
“Tell the okada man that you are going towards that junction before PDP secretariat, where those traffic wardens stand, then he should turn right and go straight down. He should not turn left or right o! he should keep going down, down, down, until he sees one big “ODILI FOR PRESIDENT” signboard, then he can turn left and keep moving to the point where the tarred road ends, then turn to the right and count two NEPA poles. In front of one yellow house, you will see a dustbin”.
Believe it or not, that was his address and he wasn’t quite done!
“Get down at the dustbin, then ask of papa Tari from anybody you see. Everybody sabi me for there”.
Uhh! Read the rest of this entry »

Jun
29

During a robbery, one of the robbers mask slid down.
He looked at a man and asked. Did you see my face?
The man said yes! The robber shot him.
Then he asked a woman. Did you see my face?
She said no, but my husband over there did.

Jun
29

Caller : Hello, can I speak to ANNIE WAN? (anyone)
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to ANNIE WAN!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I’m Sum Wan .And I need to talk to ANNIE WAN! It’s urgent.
Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what’s
this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister ANNIE WAN that our brother, NOE WAN (no one) was involved in an accident. NOE WAN got injured and now NOE WAN is being sent to the hospital. Right now, AVERY WAN (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I’m Saw Lee (sorry).
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name

Jun
29

A man wanted to buy a parrot for his son as a birthday present. The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage. He asked the clerk, “how much for the parrot on the right? The owner said it was 2500naira. “2500naira.”, the man said. “Well what does he do? “He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk. “He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters.” The man then asked what the second parrot cost. The clerk replied, 5000naira, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert on Dot Net Programmer Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot. The clerk replied, “10,000naira.” Curious as to how a bird can cost 10,000naira, the man asked what this bird’s specialty was. The clerk replies, “Well to be honest I haven’t seen him do anything and I really don’t know about his expertise. But the other two call him “BOSS”!!