1st Drunkard: What is that in the sky?

2nd Drunkard: It is the SUN.

1st Drunkard: Can’t you see, it is the moon.

2nd Drunkard: How come moon? It’s Sun.

So accidently another drunkard was passing by and he was asked the same question by the 1st drunkard and he said “Pls, I am sorry, I don’t live around here.

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.

“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”

The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”

The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

in 30mins 500 thieves were caught in USA,

in ” 600 ” ” ” ” BRAZIL

in 25mins 800 ” ” ” ” CHINA

in 15mins 8000 ” ” ” ” SOUTH AFRICA

in 10mins 4000 ” ” ” ” GHANA

in 5mins the machine was stolen in NIGERIA

NIGERIAN THIEVES are the smartest

The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. “LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!” – the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble , he let the brother leave.

Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. “HEY, HEY, LOOK At ME CROSSES BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!” – the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.

Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. He sat down, lit a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Guinness. After he finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, but before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him. “Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can’t understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don’t remember getting any money from then so, ”

Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, “OGA I SORRY FOR YOU, OOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!”

A long pause, and then from Watt,

W-”Is this James Brown?”
K-”No, this is Knott.”
W-”Please tell me your name.”
K-”Will Knott.”

W-Why not?
K-Huh? What do you mean why not?
W-Yeah! Why won’t you tell me your name?
K-But I told you my name!
W-Didn’t you say you will not?
K-Not not, knott, Will Knott!
W-That’s what I mean.
K-So you know my name.
W-Of course not!
K-Good. So now, what is yours?
W-Watt. Yours?
K-Your name!
W-Watt’s my name.
K-How the hell do I know? I am asking you!
W-Look I have been very patient and I have told you my
name and you have not even told me yours yet.
K-You have been patient, what about me? I have told
you my name so many times and it is you who have not
told me yours yet.
W-Of course not!
K-See, you even know my name!
W-Of course not!
K-Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?
W-Because I don’t.

[Pause]

K-What is your name?
W-See, you know my name!
K-Of course not!
W-Then why do you keep asking Watt is your name?
K-To find out your name!
W-But you already know it!
K-What?
W-See, and you know mine!
K-Of course not!
W-Exactly!

K-Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name
is, what will be your answer?
W-Watt’s my name.
K-No, no, give me only one word.
W-Watt
K-Your name!
W-Right!

[pause before it hits him]

K-Oh, Wright!
W-Yeah!
K-So why didn’t you say it before?
W-I told you so many times!
K-You never said Wright before
W-Of course I did.
K-Ok I won’t argue any more. Do you know my name?
W-I do not.
K-Well, there you go, now we know each other’s name.
W-I do not!
K-Good!

[pause before it hits him]

W-Oh, Guud!
K-Good.
W-No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?
K-No, it’s Knott!
W-Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud.
K-Yes Wright.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : Cleanliness is godliness
CHRIS OKOTIE: Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: There’s no use crying over spilt milk
CHRIS OKOTIE : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: You can’t try to teach an old dog new tricks
CHRIS OKOTIE : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: Look before you leap
CHRIS OKOTIE: Surveillance should precede saltation.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: He who laughs last, laughs best
CHRIS OKOTIE : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: Where there’s smoke, there’s fire!
CHRIS OKOTIE : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
CHRIS OKOTIE : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
Chris Okotie : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : All that glitters is not gold.
CHRIS OKOTIE : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: Beggars are not choosers
CHRIS OKOTIE: Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : Dead men tell no tales
CHRIS OKOTIE : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN: Beginner’s luck
CHRIS OKOTIE: Neophyte’s serendipity.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : A rolling stone gathers no moss
CHRIS OKOTIE : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

ORDINARY NIGERIAN : Birds of a feather flock together
CHRIS OKOTIE : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

“Atiku, I have a question for you; your mother has a child and your father has a child. The child is not your brother and is not your sister, who is he?.”

Atiku thinks, and thinks, “Em, you must give me some time to think about it.”

And Mr. Obasanjo decided to give him a day to come out with an answer.

That afternoon, Atiku called a meeting to discuss the question, but nobody knew the answer. They drew up an Atiku family tree, but to no avail. The next morning, he realised he has to give Obasanjo an answer and as a last resort, he decided to phone Jerry Rawlings of Ghana .

” Jerry, your mother has a child and your father has a child. The child is not your brother and is not your sister , who is he?”

Jerry answers immediately. “Hey, Atiku, It’s me of course, you dumb Nigerian!”

Atiku rushed to Obasanjo’s office, very impressed to know the answer to such a difficult question. “Mr. President, I know who he is, it’s Jerry Rawlings!”

Obasanjo: “Jerry Rawlings ko, Jerry Gana ni. You are such a stupid vice President. I’ll make sure you’re removed from office. The child is TONY BLAIR !